Today I wanted to write something that in the past was my worst nightmare but now it's just words that have little meaning to me...
This video is a side dish to half what I'm about to tell
Once before when I was about 10 years old...
My neighbor who were around 5 to 9 years old called me "fat, ugly, monster, ogre" and lots more...
Even in school it was the same.
Boys would tease how big and ugly I was to fill up the free time...
Girls would not become friends with me afraid what people might say...
It continued until the end of high school.
Then I would rebel against the boy by bashing them or threaten them to make use of my big figure and appeal to the girls by bringing stuff that they would fancy...
Afterward the hating and hateful came back...
I ran out of ideas on how to make them stop...
So I took an oath to myself upon entering high school...
"Lets ignore them haters. Live life like a Diva that just having the time of her life."
I ignored people's talks and actions
I distance myself from friends who took advantages on me
Keep my true friends close
It was a bit lonesome but what else can I do...
This is where I began to withdraw from people
Even friends didnt notice that I was not there anymore
I began sticking myself to writing and reading
I start to like being alone
And talk less day by day
Except when I need to pretend to people that I am normal in any ways
With each people I interact there's a specific mask that suit the other personality
In which like the theory in physic where the opposite energy cancel each others out
I would become the opposite of that person and make them become bored towards me
Thus resulting to decreasing the number of friends that I had
It's like cutting out the bad buds
I did became happier as the year past by until my last year in high school
But those years are all lies and deceits
Nothing means anything to me
Because I had to struggle to keep up my many masks
Yes...
If you would ask me if I'm satisfied about myself, I would say I do...
Because nobody cares for a nobody...
It's for my mental survival...
Which already in a severe state where optimism or cheering up would not cure...
Right now if you're judging me...
I would prefer you say it out loud and straight to my face...
Because right now or in the future...
I will hear every words that you wish to say and I'll give you an answer on what you have to say...
Lastly,
To those reading this post who already known me before, I would like to apologize for deceiving you and wish that you would forgive me. If not, I would not hate you for your action in doing so but see it as a sign that I should not have done what I have done before in the past...
Sincerely yours,
Rainz~
Laugh my fat @ss off, I kept looking round the bottom of ya post fer a comment link, till I gave up completely. Then today I spotted the Note of Attention link, hahahaha. Anyway, was I ever deceived by ya? Just curious ya know... my intense curiosity has brought the downfall of me many times. xD And ya know I'm simply to dense ta know if one is deceived by another. If ya want, ya can message private so no one knows the answer... Or reply publicly if otherwise.
ReplyDeleteThat neighbour is a BAAAAAAD fella... He should be taught a lesson
ReplyDelete